Perfect Mishap by Aimee Horton

Author:Aimee Horton
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: amateur sleuth, parenting humor, chick lit humor, chick lit comedy, funny chick lit, family chick lit, family life humor
Publisher: velvetmorningpress

11.

Why do kids wait until their hands are covered in something sticky before they touch things?

“DO NOT TOUCH THE WALLS!” I bellow down the stairs. My hair is still wrapped in a towel, and I’m rubbing fake tan into my arms as I race about. Henry and the kids are making their way downstairs for breakfast.

I can’t believe Henry refused to paint last night! I guess I should have left it, but after I’d gotten home, I couldn’t stand the idea of my new neighbour seeing the first coat patches and sticky finger marks. Realising my nagging wasn’t going to work, I rummaged about in the garage for a tin of old paint and spent the evening touching up. Sadly, knowing my luck, Mabel will have a meltdown and throw a welly at it again, spoiling all my hard work.

Racing around in my underwear, I make the beds and pour some bleach down the toilet. Then in a sudden flash of inspiration, I hang up a couple of print outs of bathrooms on the wall. That way, if she needs the loo or goes to change Ruby, she’ll know it’s not my choice. Even though I’ve told her, I want her to be sure.

When I’m happy that the fake tan has dried, I pull on a pair of jeans and vest top. Scraping my slightly damp hair back into a ponytail I quickly apply my make-up. After glaring at my reflection in the mirror, I apply more concealer under my eyes.

Mabel has made me age ten years.

It’s definitely Mabel who’s added the extra bags. Not George. George has been a dream sleeper. Mabel is the real problem. She was up every hour last night for a long list of reasons. Because she’d dropped her cup or she needed a wee, but nothing came out. Any excuse, really. Eventually I got so fed up, I fell asleep on the floor next to her bed.

Trying to hurry everyone along, I nearly fall over piles of laundry and toys strewn around the house.

For crying out loud.

I march into the kitchen and grab a couple of carrier bags from under the sink. I begin firing out orders.

“Shoes on.” I glare at Mabel, who’s already taken her socks off. “Teeth brushed,” to Arthur, who is lying on the sofa flicking through the cartoons. “Whooosa gorgeeeoussss boy?” I rub noses with George, who is propped up in his bouncy chair.

“I do think I look rather dapper,” replies Henry, rather predictably, before standing up and smacking my bottom.

“Ha, ha.” I tweak his cheek, then go into the hall and sweep the clutter into the carrier bags. Then I march them upstairs and stuff them into my wardrobe, slamming the door shut before everything falls out. “I mean it, Arthur,” I shout as I’m coming downstairs. “Start brushing those teeth!” Because, even though I can’t see him, I know he’s not moved from the sofa.

I hurry into the lounge and kick things under the sofa. Glancing at the clock, I see we really have to go or we’re going to be late.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.